A long while back I wrote up an unofficial comic script for Andrew Hussie’s interactive webcomic www.mspaintadventures.com
In Andrew’s comic, the main protagonist would press buttons on a device to allow objects to pop into existence. The comic script, suggests that on the tail end of that dynamic, an entire population is dedicated toward filling these requests, and the adventures one of these beings has when presented with the “unique” decisions made by the protagonists of Homestuck.
Anyway, it didn’t go much of anywhere, so I decided it’s been long enough that I can now post it up. Hope you like it. The comic itself only has 2 words of dialogue.
The first page starts off with a series of images that show a car in traffic. The bumper of a generic looking car, a small infinity symbol appears on the trunk back replacing what would typically be the car’s logo, but the car resembles a Nissan Infiniti. We back out and show the car sitting in traffic on a pastoral landscape. Windows only show vague impressions of vehicle occupants.
Next a close up from within the car shows a nametag of “Bill” on a button down shirt. Musical notes play within the car. Changes in the musical notes go from structured to discordant and back, possibly changing colors, indicating that channels are being changed. A right hand is shown clicking through selections on the radio, the clock on the dash reads a double zero, once again a reference to the infinity symbol. The hand is dark bluish black with elongated fingers.
In the last panel, a second right hand reaches out to pull a coffee out of the holder.
We now see Bill in full view. Two left hands hold the wheel at 10 and 8. A lower right arm holds coffee to his mouth while the right arm still extends out of view (fiddling with the radio.) Bill looks like an insect-like human. Leaning towards Ant-like. He has large eyes and an elongated triangular face but does not appear menacing. His mandibles appear almost vestigial.
A panel shows the hand on the radio’s dial. The sound Click appears with a cut off of the musical notes indicating that he has decided to drive in silence.
We pan out to see the traffic again, but a billboard is now visible reading “Welcome to Infini City”.
Bill parks, and looking at his watch frowns down at another infinity symbol slightly askew on a blank watch surface. Time has no relevance in Infini City, but they still seem to adhere to the trappings of time.
He starts to dash from the car, but a progression shows that his pace slows. As he slows down to a walk, his shoulders slump forward, and he trudges to the back of a line of other similar dressed employees who look (if not as disheartened) equally bored.
Bill punches into a time clock reading Infinity and begins moving past shelving, as a bustle of other employees and managers carry randomly shaped boxes and canisters.
He passes odd instrumentation, lasers firing at unknown objects behind curtained off areas, ominous looking metal sealed vault doors. Someone runs past him on fire.
He finally reaches a corridor with a large placard reading “Hall of Fame” and rows upon rows of the same face. A chisel-chinned Alpha employee sporting a winning smile. Underneath each picture is a weapon. Noticeable weapons are a broadsword, a short handled sledgehammer, a Dillinger, a green lantern, a patriotic shield, a katana, and other random intricately designed weapons. Basically all reminiscent of famous weapons from literature and media.
Full page spread as you see him walking off into the dark distance of a cavernous corridor fully covered from floor to ceiling in little picture frames of the same face.
Bill comes to a terminal and takes his seat. Rows upon rows of terminals just like his continue down the aisle. At maybe 4 terminals down, a female smiles and waves towards Bill. Bill, surprised at notice, enthusiastically waves back only to be jostled from behind by the Alpha male who also waves back at her. The Alpha walks past the girl who has already turned back to her screen, and takes a seat in a noticeable fancier terminal.
We see Bill turn back to his terminal and finally get a good view of it. A large CRT shows a black screen with green text. It’s positioned slightly above his head, with a bright green underscore followed by the words “Loading initial request.” A panel filled with buttons and dials cover the left half of the desk, while the right side bears the label “Star stuff” on a large bin drawer. The handle pulls down from the top tilting forward, when opened light shines out of the bin. To the right a device looks like a combination of a dot matrix printer, flatbed scanner, and overhead projector. A label designates it as a Faxomatic Alchemia.
Bill cracks his knuckles on all four hand and eagerly waits with his hands hovering as if to type. A second panel shows him still waiting only now looking far more forlorn. The next panel shows him slouched in his chair, the reflection of “Loading initial request” illuminates him in green. The next panel shows a change in color, to which Bill perks up. Unknowingly Alpha is behind him off to the side watching him with an amused expression, carrying a mug with the Initech logo on it.
The final panel shows Request received and a progress bar at roughly 90% completion.
The words “3 Perfectly Generic Objects” shows up on the screen. The second panel shows the Alpha bursting out laughing, while Bill appears depressed. In the next panels Alpha walks away, while Bill starts fiddling with controls. He pulls open the Star stuff drawer and his hands and arms blur into motion fashioning 3 square green cubes. He fumbles as he picks them up and carries them over to the Faxomatic Alchemia. The next panel shows him reading off dot matrix paper and punching in numbers. He pauses in a panel staring at the machine. The next panel (or a gutter close-up) shows a close up of the paper direction symbol. In the next panel he tilts one of generic cubes over, even though each side is identical. A following panel or gutter close up shows his finger on the FAX START machine.
Bill waits while the fax modem noise stretches across multiple panels. The second-panel shows the following scene from MSPA http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=002093
The next panels show Bill back in his chair, resting on two of his hands while the other two ploddingly push buttons. The panels alternate between back and forth of the screen, him, and the Fax button closeup. “Blank Captchalog”, bored, Fax, “Hammer”, bored, Fax, “Hammer, bored, Fax, rinse repeat.
The panel reads “Pogo Ride” with an ascii representation of the Slimer face. Bill perks up a bit. Next panel shows the pogo ride lying on the faxomatic. Cut back to bill looking somewhat bemused, but he then presses the fax button. Now we see he takes the pogo ride and stacks it next to a pile of hammers near bins labeled “rubbish”. As he walks away though he doesn’t notice that the girl he’d waved to earlier approaches the ride. She smiles slightly while looking at it.
Back at the computer, Bill is again in his default slouched state. The lighting changes once more indicating that a request has come in but the text is not shown. Bills expression appears to be a combination of confused and disgusted. We see the broken Rocket Pack sitting on the Faxomatic, with a cinderblock, flowerpot and violin sticking into it. Cutting back to Bill he is looking down at his creation seemingly on the verge of tears, while Alpha is holding onto his knees laughing. A crowd has formed and they partake in his misery, some laughing, some looking sympathetic. Bill presses the fax button and returns to his desk, while the crowd has dispersed, he does not see that the girl stands behind him looking concerned.
Bill sits at his desk looking somewhat bored for roughly two panels before a new message comes up. He looks up and upon seeing the screen gives a half smile. He starts working on the item. HIs hands blur while one arm reaches into the “Star Stuff”. In the next panel he is shown holding aloft the Pogo hammer. Workers in their stations lean out to look at his creation. Most have a look of approving consideration, but Alpha appears dismissive. Bill stands at the fax machine sending the pogo hammer when the lighting once again changes to indicate a new request.
In the first panel you see Bill proudly sporting a Bunny Sassacre Fedora. The gutter shows a Fax button being pushed. Next a co worker rides the hammer pogo ride while co workers cheer from the sideline. The sole exception is Alpha. Fax Button. The next panel shows his love interest wearing Serious Business goggles enjoyably while Bill looks on having donned one of the Slime suits. Fax Button. He holds up the Telescopic Saga Crusher. Fax Button. He holds up the Barbers Friend. Fax Button. He holds up the Thorns of Oglogoth. Fax button. He holds up the Snoop Dog Snow Cone Machete. This panel shows a bit more of a radiant celebratory background.
A full page spread showing all his coworkers goofing off and playing with several of the items from the MSPA ethos. Examples:
One co-worker balances himself as he wobbly floats around on an unreal air.
Several female and male co-workers are trying on and posing in the random male and female suits.
Some watch the glow of the “Costop” while munching and passing along a box of gushers.
A couple is engaged in remote ghost gantlet arm wrestling. They stand at a distance from each other while the ghost hands are clasped.
Another rides an Awesomebro Bust like a rodeo bull.
One is making snow angels with 2 wings per side in what looks like shaving cream foam with bits of black and white barbasol shrapnel strewn throughout.
Alpha stands in the midst of the crowd angrily staring down at a jar (of foam Mr. T fetus plush).
Panel 1 shows an employee preparing to hang up yet another image of Alpha to the wall. He’s pulling the images from a crate of pictures that bear Alpha’s face. In the distance, you see what looks like someone running towards him.
Panel 2 shows that as he’s adjusting the employee portrait the other employee arrives carrying what looks like a poster and the Pogo Hammer.
Panel 3 shows the new employee taping a picture of Bill over the image of Alpha. The Pogo Hammer rests in hooks underneath the portrait.
Panel 4 shows Alpha angrily crushing and shattering the jar of Fetus Mr. T while fire blazes in his eyes.
The first panel shows Alpha moving down the hall reaching out and pulling a sword from a stone set against the wall under one of his pictures.
Panel 2 shows a crowd around Bill offering congratulations and back pats. Some of the crowd, however, notices something out of panel behind Bill and appear as if they’re clearing out of the way.
Panel 3 shows Bill turning around with a look of alarm as he backpedals as the tip of a glimmering broadsword arcs into the panel.
Panel 4 shows a frightened Bill prone but in a slightly elevated position facing the reader. His lower two arms support him while the upper two are defensively raised in a fending position. He looks frightened. Between his legs (one lays flat while the other leg is bent), the tip of the broadsword is stuck deep into the ground where he once stood.
Panel 5 shows Bills view of Alpha who faces the reader carrying a legendary golden broadsword that sparkles and emits a white glow. Alpha appears to be hyperventilating with rage.
In a long string of panels, Bill turns around while standing up to run while Alpha pulls the sword out. Bill reaches out to a coworker while Alpha stalks forward lifting his sword. Coworkers sporting MSPA gear flee.
Bill grabs another sword from the co-worker and turns swinging it mid stride only to have it shattered by an upward stroke from Alpha as he gives a walking chase.
Bill continues to scramble forward tripping over a chair while grabbing a battle ax and throwing it behind him only for Alpha to casually swat it away and splitting its head off. Alpha’s stride appears to lengthen as he’s speeding up.
Bill continues on, grabbing at the head of the pogo ride, and releasing it. This causes it to spring back at Alpha. Alpha kicks at it only for it to bounce back and return temporarily causing Alpha to pause while he is forced around it.
Bill is crawling turns as Alpha vaults onto a desk. As Bill turns to face him with one hand out of frame, we see Alpha coming down from a leap with a mighty downward swing above his head. The blade is caught by another. We then see Bill has retrieved the Snoop Dogg Snow Cone Machete and brought it up just in time to stop Alpha’s blade. A look of astonishment appears on Alpha’s face while Bill holds steady in determination.
Bill pushes Alpha back off him and then the two exchange blows with legendary swords, Bill slowly inching his way forward. A panel shows Bills sword has guided Alpha’s sword to slam into a metallic desk. Bill’s blade is held on top of Alpha’s locking it down when Alpha reaches out of panel and pulls what looks to be a Phaser off the wall.
Alpha fires a shot at which Bill collapses back. He makes a quick retreat and jumps over another cubicle while Alpha fires off repeatedly at him. Bill is then shown to have one of the Thorns of Oglogoth and turns to fire off a dark crooked beam at Alpha.
Alpha now ducks down as the dark beam shoots over his head.
Bill returns back to his crouched position, behind the cubicle.
As he raises up once more a blur knocks the wand out of his hand. He grasps at one of his hand and looks back at alpha seeing his hand raised up, another blur zips back past Bill from behind, and Alpha now holds a small Mallet with lightning-emblazoned on it’s side. He proceeds to walk forward again, casually smashing a large metallic container out of his way as electricity arches all over him, the object, floor and walls.
Bill frantically looks around him and see that the console shows no pending requests. No weapons appear within range. But the drawer of star stuff lays open with it’s unseen contents shining out. Bill Rushes forward and his arms start to blur.
Alpha continues to walk toward him, with steady strides as bill faces away from him sweating as he furiously creates from his own imagination.
Alpha moves to make one final 4 handed swing as electricity arcs wildly and Bill turns in time to smash against it with his hammer. The Zillyhoo. Waves of power blast from both adversaries, and when the dust settles, Alpha is left holding a charred stump. Tiny electrically charged fragments of semi-molten metal lay haphazardly about him.
Alpha’s shoulders slump, he drops the charred stick, turns and walks away. Bill rights himself, staring at the Zillyhoo in his hands. He uses his other arms to start quietly righting chairs and other objects in his cubicle moving back to his console to presses buttons. When the first dialogue bubble of the comic appears from off frame.
GIRL – HI.
Bill turns and sees the girl wearing the Serious Business Goggles on her forehead. She smiles at him. Bill has a hand behind his neck and smiles as he speaks his first word back to her with a sheepish expression.
BILL – HI.
She reaches a hand out to him. He takes it absently placing the zillyhoo down on the Fax Machine. The next panel shows them walking off together hand in hand, down the hallway of shattered portraits. Next a panel shows the Zillyhoo resting on the fax machine. Finally, a close-up shows the hammers edge hovering above the Fax button. It remains unpressed.